St Judy's Comet
by Edgechick816
Summary: Set in S3S6. Buffy wants to live again. BA
1. Prologue

Title: St Judy's Comet  
  
Author: Rachel  
  
Email:  
  
Pairings: B/A,  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns everyone, I own nothing. I'm simply taking them out to play with.  
  
Distribution: Ask first, I'll probably say yes.  
  
Rating: PG13 (for now anyway)  
  
Spoilers: For BtVS S6 up to Smashed, for Ats after Dad  
  
Notes: I didn't really like Buffy in S6, or much of that season at all, so I suppose this is my way of fixing it.  
  
Summary: Buffy wants to live again.  
  
Feedback: Is loved and much appreciated :)  
  
Prologue  
  
She didn't want to die.  
  
It wasn't cloudy whisper in the back of her mind, or the muddled white noise that had been in her head since her return from Heaven. It was loud, clear and hit so hard she stumbled. She had gasped in shock; the Girl had given up, hit rock bottom. The Girl was about let Spike fuck her in a alley, to do nothing but exist till her time on the planet ceased to be.  
  
But the Slayer fought back.  
  
The Slayer refused to let a soulless demon fuck her. She had been the one to push Spike off and kick his ass, leaving him lying bloody in the alley. The Slayer had been the one screaming at her, that she was better than this, that there was more than just being. That there was life left to be had. The Slayer wanted to more than to exist, she wanted to live, to fight and feel, not die away in some pitiful hole with a demon that couldn't even kill. She was the light in the dark, not the dark itself. The Slayer never gives into the darkness.  
  
And in moment, the Slayer made the Girl believe, the Slayer made the Girl want to live.  
  
So Girl and Slayer pack their bags in the middle of the night, and headed to the only person left in to the world who could make them feel truly alive. 


	2. To Live Again

Title: St Judy's Comet  
  
Author: Rachel  
  
Email:  
  
Pairings: B/A,  
  
Disclaimer: Joss owns everyone, I own nothing. I'm simply taking them out to play with.  
  
Distribution: Ask first, I'll probably say yes.  
  
Rating: PG13 (for now anyway)  
  
Spoilers: For BtVS S6 up to Smashed, for Ats after Dad  
  
Notes: I didn't really like Buffy in S6, or much of that season at all, so I suppose this is my way of fixing it.  
  
Summary: Buffy wants to live again.  
  
Feedback: Is loved and much appreciated :)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Her boot heels clicked against the floor, her heart pounded in her chest and her spine tingled with familiarity: all things she knew would alert her mate to her presence. He gaze fell on her, asking the obvious question: what was she doing here? She shifted uncomfortably as she stood in the lobby, a duffle bag in her hand and a backpack over her shoulder. She hoped that even if she did send her home, he would wait till the morning, she'd taken the bus to LA, and they wouldn't run again till morning.  
  
She noticed for the first that he was standing without a shirt or shoes, and he was holding a baby sized bundle covered with a blanket. Silently, she walked the distance between her and her soulmate, stopping before him and the baby he held in his arms. She looked down at awake the little boy, studying his face and back up to Angel with wide eyes. She looked between them again: big face, little face. This was his son, Angel had a son. She set her duffle bag down and tentatively reached out, brushing her fingers across the baby's head. He gurgled at her touch and seemed to smile with his eyes.  
  
"How?" She looked up at him with a hint of wonder in her voice. She didn't sound angry as he expected, but curious and amazed.  
  
"A prophecy, we're not sure what it all means yet, but he's a part of it somehow."  
  
She nodded; she knew how vague prophecies could be, having been part of more than a few herself. She held pinky finger and brushed it over his hand. She hadn't been around a newborn since Dawn was a baby. Her brow furrowed, he was a newborn wasn't he?  
  
"How old is he?" she asked, keeping her eyes on the baby in Angel's arms.  
  
"Three days." She could hear the smile in his voice, the sound of a new father. That alone made her feel happiness she thought was gone forever.  
  
Angel had a son...and that son had a mother. She suddenly felt like she'd been punched in the gut, the happy feeling draining from her. The baby had a Mom, of course he had a Mom, how else would he have gotten here? That means Angel... she couldn't even finish that thought it hurt so much. Angel had someone else to love and raise a son with and she was just stupid for coming here in the first place. It was probably Cordelia, she always wanted Angel, now she had him, and his son. As tears welled up in her eyes, she dropped her hand away.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." Quickly, she grabbed her bag and started backing away. A hand shot out, catching her wrist.  
  
"Wait." His voice was soft but firm, his deep chocolate gazing down at her. She was powerless to do anything but go to him.  
  
He sighed in relief when she allowed him to pull her back. He'd seen the play of emotions on her face, and could almost hear her train of thought. Buffy, talk to me."  
  
She sniffled, "What's to talk about? Y-you've got a son, and some beautiful girl who gave you a son and you don't need your whore of an ex-girlfriend ruining your life." She tried to run again, but he tightened his hold on her wrist. Her scent was...off, he knew it had been since she came back from the dead, but she still smelt like Buffy, like sunshine and vanilla. Now, it was different, she smelt like....Spike.  
  
"Don't. Move." His jaw twitched with barely contained anger as he let go of her. He walked over a white bassinet, gently laying the baby down. He turned around to see her eyes brimming with fresh unshed tears, her bottom lip shaking with unreleased sobs. He felt all the anger drain out of him, it didn't matter that she smelt like Spike, or that she randomly showed up on his doorstep, the only thing that mattered right now were her tears, and doing every thing in his power to help.  
  
He moved over to her, wrapping his arms around her shaking body, letting her crumble into him. She buried her face in his chest as the tears and sobs rolled out of her. She muffled her sobs so she wouldn't upset the baby. Funny how quickly that instinct kicked it.  
  
He rubbed soothing circles on the bare skin of her back. "You're not a whore." he whispered into her hair. He got no response except more tears. "Shh, it's okay." He sighed, stroking a hand over her golden tresses. "You wanna tell me why you came here?"  
  
She lifted her head to meet his eyes; they weren't angry or accusing, but wondering. She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Great, she just waltzed back into his life and the first thing she did was cry all over him and get snot on his chest, what a pretty picture she made. She took a step back from him, but couldn't go any further. His arms were around her waist with his and interlocking at the small of her back, not allowing her to leave the safe circle of his arms.  
  
"I...I..." She looked down, suddenly finding her shoes very fascinating. She couldn't tell him about Spike, not yet. "Things have been kind rough since I came back from....you know." He was the only one who knew she'd been in Heaven. He'd found her soul resting peaceful when he was in Tibet. They'd even had a chance to say good-bye, but that was all before her friends pulled her from eternal rest. She'd never forget the anger on his face when they met after she came back, or the look of pure joy that he could hold her in his arms again. "Anyways, I was drowning; I think I still am, but...." She bit her lip in thought. "Something happened, and I don't wanna die, Angel, I wanna live." She looked up at him with wide, hopeful and incredible scared eyes. "I want you to help make me live again."  
  
He sighed again, letting his arms fall away from her, he walked over to check on Connor, who was fast asleep in his bassinet. He'd been trying to get him to go down for an hour, maybe Buffy had the same calming effect on Connor that she had on him.  
  
"I want to help you Buffy, more than anything, but with Connor–"  
  
"Connor?" she said, almost as if she was testing name on her tongue. She smiled, "I like it, very Irish-y."  
  
"Thank you." He smiled at her smile; this was making it harder to say what he had to say.  
  
"I was saying, with you and Connor around it'd be a minefield for perfect happiness. It's my soul desire to be with you, but I can't, I won't risk it for either one of you."  
  
"Oh!" she yelped, and then quickly covered her mouth. She walked over to still sleeping baby and breathed a sigh of relief. "Sorry," she whispered. She slid her backpack off her shoulder, unzipping the front pocket and pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper.  
  
"It's a soul binding spell." She handed it to him for his examination. "Willow and Tara said it should work, she wanted me to have so we could.... not that we have to. I'll bind your soul just so you can have it bound, especially with Connor around. Not that you can't sleep with me if you want to. Ball's in your court really." She rambled with a nervous chuckle as she waited for his answer.

A/N: Review if you want more. :)


	3. Souls and Mates

Title: St Judy's Comet

Author: Rachel

Email: B/A,

Disclaimer: Joss owns everyone, I own nothing. I'm simply taking them out to play with. The title comes from a Paul Simon song of the same name.

Distribution: Ask first, I'll probably say yes.

Rating: PG13 (for now anyway)

Spoilers: For BtVS S6 up to Smashed, for Ats after Dad

Notes: I didn't really like Buffy in S6, or much of that season at all, so I suppose this is my way of fixing it.

Summary: Buffy wants to live again.

Feedback: Is loved and much appreciated :)

_Soul binding spell._

The words ran in his ears, through his heart, soul and his demon who growled in protest. He couldn't even begin to process what it would mean for him and for his relationship with Buffy.

"It's more a ritual, actually," she said when he didn't respond. "Tara and Willow explained it to me. Just take a look." She took the notebook paper out of his slack hand, unfolded it and gave it back. He stared at it blankly for a moment, trying to process... anything.

"This looks like a spell to access the nether realm." His brow started to furrow.

"It is... but it's not. Will changed it a little. Basically how it works is your soul isn't yours... I mean, you have it, but the energy is being held by the gypsy magic, which makes sense since your soul shouldn't be here in the first place, not that I don't want it here, or you here... I just meant—" She stopped when Angel put his hands on her shoulder.

"You're rambling," he told her, a half smile on his lips. "Take a deep breath and start again."

She nodded, immediately doing as he instructed. She nearly shivered at the contact, and then smiled at the feeling of feeling. It had been so long since she felt anything but cold; just one touch from him reminded her of why she wanted to live, why she needed to.

"Anyway, what you have to do is go into the nether realm find your soul's energy and claim it as yours. Since it actually is yours, you have the soul to prove it and all that; they have to give it to you. But because it's like astral projection, you can't absorb the energy until you're back in your body," she said, trying her best not to ramble again. She had Angel's full attention and the contact was helping.

"Where does it go?" He asked, slightly confused. He realized that he probably could have looked down at the paper and found out for himself, but he wanted to hear it from her. Not that he didn't trust Willow, but it was a lot to take in and it seemed easier when it came from her lips.

"From what I can tell, it rests in your anchor until you... come back," she finished quietly, unsure of what his reaction would be. There weren't any major risks with the spell, but magic in general had risks. Maybe he didn't think they were worth it anymore.

Angel's mind was racing; a way for him and Buffy to be together and for Connor to be safe. He had already planned on asking Wes to look into a way to bind his soul after he finished working on the Nyazian prophecy. When Connor was born, he was too worried about Holtz and whoever else was after his son to feel true happiness, but he knew that wouldn't always be the case. Maybe it would be when he took his steps or when he called him 'Daddy' for the first time, but he knew he was at risk for perfect happiness as long as Connor was in his life.

"A-and she's sure it would work?"

"As sure as she can be... Your soul isn't at risk or anything, if it doesn't work then it doesn't work. You still have your soul, curse and all. I–she ... it's all right there." She gestured to the notebook paper again.

"When can we try?"

Buffy's head snapped up in shock; she hadn't expected him to agree so readily. "Uh... now, if you want to, I have all the stuff in my bag, it's just..." she trailed off, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and stared down at the floor.

Cool fingers slid under her chin and lifting it until their eyes met. "It's okay, Buffy," he said, brushing his thumb over her cheek, trying to soothe her obvious discomfort. "You can tell me anything, you know that." The warmth his of gaze filled her and wrapped around her heart, his touch was gentle and consoling. This was why she came to him, she realized, to feel again.

She brought her hand up to rest on top of his as she found the courage to speak.

"For the spell to work your anchor has to be someone you trust, someone who's close you... and your soul." She bit her lip and turned away from him again. "I know I'm a little out of the loop when it comes to your life, with the you leaving and the me being dead. You managed to have a baby and I didn't know about it." Stepping away from Angel, she turned her back to him and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I know," she began softly, swallowing hard. "I know that we've grown apart the last few years, so I would understand if you wanted... If you wanted Cordelia, or if it's someone else, I'll still help you do the spell."

Waves of pain radiated from her as she spoke, suffocating him in a way that had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't breathe. "Buffy." The single word was full of all the emotion he felt, but couldn't seem to express. How could she ever think it could've been anyone but her? Didn't she know that when she died he went along with her? That the closest he came to living was when she was near him? She was his soul; it's essence in life, his other half. She was the reason he'd lost it once upon time, it was only right that his soul was hers and hers alone.

She shook her head, somehow understanding him without either of them saying anything. She took another few steps forward, stopping next to Connor's bassinet, where the baby still laid sleeping. She reached out and brushed the back of her finger against the baby's arm, gently so as not to wake him. She was always shocked at how soft babies' skin was, and how pure and simple they were. It was hard to believe there was anything pure and good left in this world.

"You have a son, Angel." she said in a whisper, never taking her eyes off Connor. "I know he's a miracle, I can feel it, but I'm pretty much guessing that his conception was not an immaculate one." She felt, rather than saw him grimace. She smiled, but it was a sad and lonely thing. "He has a mother, someone brought him into the world, someone who..." She couldn't bear the thought of Angel making love to someone else, let alone say it. "You made a baby with someone, the one thing I wanted so badly to give to you, but I couldn't." Her voice broke on the last word and the tears she'd been holding flowed freely down her cheeks. It wasn't fair to do this to him, he finally had something good going and here she was, selfish Buffy, fucking up everyone's lives because she's too weak to deal with her own problems. She shook her head in self-disgust and felt a sob forming the back of her throat.

Strong arms were around her middle before she knew what was happening. He pulled her back into his chest, closing his eyes; he nuzzled her hair, taking in her scent. He could smell her sadness and strength as she melted back into him almost against her will. It was too much for her, he knew that now. She was only one girl; how much heartbreak and pain could one person take before they just gave up? He'd been there and he knew he never wanted it to happen to her. She shouldn't have to be strong all the time, it wore a person down. She needed support; she needed to be the weak one, to be the one who needed to be taken care of. He should've never left her, that night on the beach after she came back from death's slumber. He knew better than that, but he was going to act on it now. He wasn't letting her go, he'd die first.

"I wish he was ours," he offered quietly, his eyes opening and his gaze following hers to find his sleeping son. He felt her stiffen in surprise in his arms; he drew lazy circles over the back of her hand and felt her start to relax again. "I know it's not fair, he's already such an amazing gift and I know I don't deserve him." He paused and gave her the smallest of squeezes, letting her know that she could argue with him about deserving Connor later. "But still, a part of me wishes he was yours and mine."

She bit her lip, allowing him to hold her as she let his words sink in.

"Is he Cordy's?" she asked when she found her voice.

"No," he said quickly.

"Are you going to tell me who?"

"I promise I will, but it's not something you're ready to hear, or quite honestly something I'm ready to tell you, but I will tell you later. I promise, sweetheart."

She turned in his arms to face him, her eyes bright green even in the dark. "When?"

"After we do the spell."


End file.
